Yeh Hai Meri Kahani…
In the darkness of the night I look around the life in my house, no one except me, ya sometime my best pal drop in to have dinner with me, or watch some DVD or to check her mails but end of the day I sit alone on dining table with meal. Oh I’m not complaining its just that I love my aloneness.
I always missed my share of love and affection (and success of course…). But then am I missing something…don’t know why or what, I don’t know if I have an answer, but then I just feel like putting my thoughts here tonight.
Am I loosing track of my life? Work, work and more work, I just feel I am pushing myself too far… Today I just felt so tired with everyone, let anything happen personally but professionally I give my best for any job I take up. today I realized I cannot work in a group and have to drop the tag of ‘nice guy’ and have to be more practical. I am more comfortable in working all alone. maybe like a dictator, make and break my own rules.
Tired, yaaaa, tired of all the work and expectations from ppl around, why me always, and maybe the mistake is all mine. If they have expectations from me then I gave them the right to expect. Did I?
Working, decision making, coordinating, and taking up challenges, and that smile when I finish the work up to the standards. But that smile is not out of satisfaction, not out of peace, that is a smile thrown towards ppl who never expected me to win, or maybe who never wanted me to win! !
I am going on proving to ppl, but is there no end for this? If i go on and on then there is no limit to this. no end, there will be more challenges and more work. I gave lot of my time to social service in last couple of month, yes I know that badly affected my own work and now I ‘m facing financial crunch, but yes I enjoyed that SEVA. Maybe because my own regular work never excited me, yes!! it helped me to survive, it helps me to live, but I don’t find the real me far far in front of me. did I loose myself. Dreams, dint I have those secret dreams, which I could never share with anyone in my life. And maybe the onetime I shared it doesn’t count now…
Where is that boy who had time for everything in his life, his world was filled by his passion for music, movies, friends, and family. And these days he has nothing but work. And today when I came back home I felt like crying, no one is around me to ask me…if mom would have around I could have asked her “ma give me a glass of water, and please put my dinner on table…I’m hungry”
Damn, I need to do something, and seriously I need to set my priorities, I have to make time for all those people who are patiently waiting for me to be like before, and more than anything I have to make time for myself. I guess I had enough work to pull me out of the hurt feelings, its time to get a hold on my life, my way, and in my style.
yeh hai meri kahani
khamosh zindagani
sannata keh raha hai
kyun zulm seh raha hai
ek dastaan purani
tanhayi ki zubani
her zakham khil raha hai
kuch mujh se keh raha hai
chubtay kantay yadoon ke daaman say chunta hoon
girti deewaron ke aanchal mai zinda hoon
bass yeh meri kahani
benishaan nishaani
ek darr beh raha hai
kuch mujh se keh raha hai
chubtay kaanten yadoon ke daaman se chunta hoon
girti deewaron ke aanchal mein zinda hoon
bajay pyaar ki shabnum mere gulistaan mein
baraste rehte hain har simt maut ke saye
siyahiyon se ulajh padti hain meri aankhein
koi nahi .. koi bhi nahi jo batlaye
kitni der ujalon ki raah dekhe
koi nahi hai koi bhi nahi
na pass na durr
yeh pyaar hai
dil ki dharkan
apni chahat ka jo ellan kiye jaati hai
zindagi hai jo jiye jaati hai
khoon k ghoont peay jaati hai
khwaab aankhon se siye jaati hai
ab na koi paas hai
phir bhi ehsaas hai
yahiaon mai uljhi padi
jeene ki ek aas hai
yadoon ka jungle yeh dil
kaanton se jal thal yeh dil
chubtay kaanten yadoon ke daaman se chunta hoon
girti deewaron ke aanchal mein zinda hoon
