Never say goodbye
27 going on 28 …no no I’m not talking about girlfriends in my life but this number game is again about life ‘n’ age. It is going to be almost 10 years I left school, 4 years I left my job, 3 years I left my hometown and through all these years relationship never worked for me.
I always gave excuse to myself that may be because of my “everything is not acceptable “ attitude or may be because of my rule of ‘creative dream world > real world’ or may be my I don’t want anyone to trespass my “freedom of thoughts” …I can give my self N number of reason to convince myself but the real truth is I am so used to my aloneness that I can’t see my personal space going on lease.
But then why people want me to answer every question of theirs, why can’t people stay as they are in relations, why someone want me to change when I don’t expect or dream of changing other person, why is so much of possessiveness in life or why is this anxiety. In relations it is very painful to say, “Goodbye” to anybody. “Separation” is not acceptable…parting away is “painful”…more so, if there is no logic… “supporting”… “justifying” the separation.
My life is too short to hate people or harm people and I love everyone…
Through these years I stayed all alone, survival in new city all by own was challenge for me …it has been so many times that I just walk in to my workspace and indulge myself on PC for hours n hours and just go back to hit the bed …don’t even move out of my apartment for weeks, no one to visit me …no one to talk but then trust me I always enjoyed my days working, listening music, cooking food or just rearranging my clothes, books and memories. Its just that I enjoy my aloneness more than company of others…I know its weird and for some of you this thought may be horrifying but I enjoy everything in my life and “It’s OK” yeah.
Coming back to relations …
At times…there is no reason, no logic for separation or breakups…there is no justification…but still people like to move away. May be because you don’t want to compromise on every single thing in your life. …if one or two compromises can help you…then make those compromises but if you just want other person to be like you then how long you can bend your back . I understand that empathy, understanding, a bit of patience, and lots of love and care and help you to some extent to keep your relations…love ones and those ‘SPECIAL’ people of your life…together. Many times your behavior, attitude, ego, irrelevant issues, eagerness and rumors can make or break your relations.
Relations break not because we don’t love each other or not care for each other…relations break, when we try to “Possess” our loved ones; when we take things for “Guaranteed”; and when we start considering our loved-ones as “Lifeless” property.
Tomorrow may be I might sit and wonder…”had I done this or that in this or that manner…it would had saved my relation.” Even if you decide to part away…keep enough space in your relation…so that tomorrow if you happen to cross each other…or happen to meet at any public place…you must be able to speak to each other
Happy and successful relationships are based on understanding… at the same time one should not forget that nobody is perfect, so there cannot be a perfect formula for a perfect relationship. There are ups and downs in life and similarly in relationships.
May be relationship will never work for me, may be someone will say it again “sab artist pagal hote hai …jhola chaap apni duniye me khoy.e “ or someone might tell me again “hopeless romantic “ or just slap me on my face and say “heartless” but then I’ll say it again “aisa hi hu mai …I am what I am”
And if you think I am self centered then read this [link]
Conclusion: A healthy happy relationship from my point of view is one that both sides are allowed to grow in the relationship and give proper space to each other. It takes a great deal of time and effort to keep a relationship stable without killing the zing or individuality.
“aur bhii dukh hain zamaane me mohabbat ke sivaa
raahate.n aur bhii hai vasl kii raahat ke sivaa
mujh se pahalii sii mohabbat merii mahabuub na maa.Ng”
Aisa nahi ki mohabbat nahi mujhko …bas savalo ke jawab nahi hai mere pass.
