My History
Sometimes I want to disown my history. I want to escape the oppressive weight of regrets of the past. I begin to look for that fresh start in a new town, new friends, a new job, or in the past. Sometimes I get a glimpse of my path. Not often, at least anymore, but still, once in a while.
At moments like these I am puzzled by the people I have collected and held close over the years - when I see how the weight of their desires affected my course. How I allowed them to eclipse too much, push to hard, and care too little. I wonder, incredulous, at whatever possessed me to choose these people. I can look back tonight and be certain I’ve never got the love from any of them , even though I tried hard. I have coaxed too much and felt too little. Too many bad choices, too much learned in the wrong direction. I’ve lost the way to often to be entirely sure of where it is I wanted to go.
Yes sometime past do hurt.
